I Simply Am
Discloser: I painted this piece and wrote this post back in 2016 as part of a “spiritual exploration” series. Since then, I have updated my website and have moved things around, that is why I am reposting this post.
I am all things. I am all things, therefore I am whole. At the center of everything that I am, I am pure authentic love. I am all things, and therefore I am love. I am love simply because I exist. I am happy, I am good, I am peace, I am joy, I am fun, I am sad, I am hate, I am anger, I am resentment, I am jealousy, I am fear, I am lonely, I am envy, etc. I am all things. People try too hard to be only the “good” things, attempting to cast out the others, or attempting to “disown” them. But when you disown a piece, you then need to find a means to fill it. Such as an addiction or a relationship. But that's a whole other conversation.
I started this painting with the intention of pouring my authentic self into it. How does one do that? I have no idea. I still have no idea. I just painted. I chose a reference that made eye contact with the viewer - because I am owning up to everything that I am. Because what I am is enough. I chose color intuitively. I painted what I felt like painting. I painted in solitude and made sure to leave enough time to myself. I left little to thought and most to feeling, attempting to get in touch with my authentic self; with God.
A few weeks into this painting, I decided to define some things that have defined who I am today and literally apply them to my painting. So I wrote on my self portrait in paint - false self beliefs I once bought into, false self beliefs I am aware of and still buying into, trials, my false role in the family system, etc. Then I painted over them. I have poured a little bit of, not only my spiritual self, but my "natural man" into this painting. In hopes that for every layer of my natural self that I peel away, the closer I get to my spiritually authentic self. And therefore, the closer I become to God. The closer I get to pure authentic love. The closer I get to constant peace.
I painted this painting to give love and to appreciate what I am. To everything that I am. Just as I am. Because no matter what I am, I am good. I am worthy. I am love.
Being more like Christ doesn’t mean being only “good” things. To be everything, to OWN every part of you, the good and the bad, is to be WHOLE. It is to be centered. To be centered, means to be love. It is acceptance and understanding. And only when we are centered, can you be in line with God. Because that is what God is - pure, authentic love.
There is no duality within the authentic self.